the job I’m not ready for

first day of school 2012

I have been Momma to two boys for exactly 6 years and 10 months.  It is the most exhausting, amazing, excruciating, and rewarding job I’ve ever had.  I get the worst of these kiddos, but I also get the best.  The best hugs.  The best kisses.  The best I love yous.

Today part of my being Momma involved leaving work early to get my oldest son early from school.  He was in the nurse’s office with a fever and cough (that I’d been “ignoring” for almost a week…mom of the year here) and it was time to get him to the doctor.  While we were walking through the parking lot to the doctor’s office, I reached for his hand…like I always do…and he didn’t hold my hand back.  I asked him “Hey do you want to hold my hand?”  He said “No, Mom.  I’m good.”

Mom.

I’m not ready to be Mom.

I got Momma.  Momma is the I love you unconditionally, you’re the only woman in my life, I want to hold your hand always job.  It’s a good gig.

Mom is the you’re cool and all, but I don’t really want to be seen holding your hand in public, or “needing” you in general gig.

I know we teach our children to be independent.  To be self-sufficient.  To make decisions on their own.  To know how to look both ways and walk in a parking lot full of cars and not get killed.  I know that I’ll have to say goodbye to them eventually…that’s part of this parenting gig.  But no one told me it happened at 6 years and 10 months.

Oh, and to add insult to injury…as if “mom” wasn’t enough.  He said he didn’t need a sticker at the end of the doctor visit.  Sheesh.  This kid is killing me.

This one’s for real…I’m a MOM.  And here’s hoping that mom can be just as awesome as momma.

And by the way, I got a Dora the Explorer sticker at the doctor…because I DO still need one.